


Green to Amber

by CielTheEarl



Series: Autumn is for Changing [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Autumn, Fluff, Jealousy, M/M, Teenage Ciel, Teenage Sebastian, Upset Sebastian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 00:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20769146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CielTheEarl/pseuds/CielTheEarl
Summary: Like the leaves and the acorns and the intriguing helicopter seeds, Ciel was changing. But he wouldn't be forgotten by winter. Everyone knew Ciel now.





	Green to Amber

"Business, music and English literature. What about you?" Ciel asked as the wind pounded his face and he kicked a pebble with his trainers.

Sebastian glimpsed at his friend's stripy socks, poking from beneath his jeans, before mumbling; "Psychology, maths and chemistry."

"Ah, that's fair. A lot of content, though." The shorter of the two commented, slipping his phone out of his pocket.

Sebastian shrugged, ignoring the way Ciel's eyes lit up as he opened a text message. "I did well in science and maths so I just thought, why not? And besides, you know all that crazy mind stuff interests me. Remember that paper I did for English on the cognitive system last year?"

Ciel dragged his eager eyes away from his screen to ask a non-committal 'hm?'

"I was just saying that I did well in science." The boy reiterated, feeling his heart grow heavier the more this conversation proceeded.

"Oh, right. Yeah, Bard is good at that sort of thing too. At his party the other week he was telling me how Miss Annafellows had _not _been expecting him to do so well." Ciel responded, thumbs hovering over a message. "To be fair, though, he was pretty pissed when he said it."

"Right," Sebastian muttered as he looked off in another direction. He watched as a lone leaf shed itself from a tree, it was moved like a puppet, performing in the forceful autumn air. A pregnant silence fell upon the pair as the scruffy teen tried to find something else to say. "My mum's been thinking that I-"

"You'll never guess what Mally- Oh, sorry... was I-"

"No, it's fine. What were you gonna say?" Sebastian said and laughed weakly, knowing that Ciel's story would be _much _more impressive than his. He began gnawing on the inside of his cheek, adding to the increasing compilation of bad habits he had established over the summer.

Summer was a lonely time where the heat kept people apart. Autumn was time for changes. Big changes. Things began to die. The old leaves from tired branches, the acorns that fell in hopes of one day becoming something more and the friendships that pattered out, falling out of love like helicopter seeds.

Ciel continued to glance at his phone every five seconds, tapping on some conversation that he seemed much more invested in. "She gave Jo a handjob in the subway bathroom."

"Really?" Sebastian inquired, eyebrows lifting as Ciel _finally _made eye contact with him. Sebastian's friend nodded before turning back to his messaging spree. "I didn't even know they were together."

"No way! They've been dating since Wendy's results party... did you go to that?"

Sebastian felt himself flushing as he uttered an abashed, 'no.'

No. Sebastian had not been invited to Wendy's party because Wendy was one of Ciel's _new _friends. Just like Bard and Mally and Jo. They were like glistening new objects, Ciel craved their company, chatting and laughing in that cute, charismatic way he did when he and Sebastian first met.

It was not a reason to be upset, Sebastian knew that. Ciel was still his best friend. They still talked most days and went for walks around the school and listened to music together and bought lunch together. What had changed was Ciel's popularity. And their conversations. They used to be so natural, candid like an old photograph one keeps on a mantelpiece. Sacred. Their time spent together was comfortable, reassuring, familiar. Now Sebastian couldn't tell if he was eager to speak to Ciel or terrified. Maybe he was both.

Sebastian felt left behind. He felt like an exhausted teddy. Ciel would sometimes retrieve him from his top-most shelf and reminisce with Sebastian about all the time they spent together _before_ he was popular but when it came down to it, a teddy was not necessary, nor significant. Sebastian wasn't important.

No, Sebastian reassured himself as he silently appraised Ciel. He was Sebastian's best friend.

But was _he _Ciel's best friend?

It was hard to tell. Like the leaves and the acorns and the intriguing helicopter seeds, Ciel was changing. But he wouldn't be forgotten by winter. _Everyone _knew Ciel now.

"Hey, 'Bastian?" Ciel hummed, bumping back into his friend's torso. "Could we quickly pop to Claude's house? He's got my jumper."

"Sure," Sebastian replied half-heartedly. "Why has he got it?"

Ciel smirked and clicked his phone off, "I've just been spending some time with him... you know... hanging out, talking... nothing I haven't done before."

Sebastian wondered what Ciel _hadn't _done in the past year. It had been frustrating for Sebastian- tall, lanky, friendly Sebastian- to watch his best friend from his place on the top shelf. It felt like he could only spectate as he saw Ciel develop and obtain more toys to play with, becoming more and more loveable and amusing. As he _changed._

The taller boy's shoulders bunched up as he ducked his head, narrowly missing a branch spitting leaves and over-ripe cherries to the floor. "My mum's been thinking that I should quit learning the piano. So I can focus on my studies." He bustled, worried that Ciel would barge in on his point again.

"What?" Ciel all but gasped, "that's crazy! You've been playing the piano forever!" He said and gave Sebastian one of his heart-breaking, gut-wrenching smiles. The ones that made you feel like he _cared. _"Who am I supposed to play the violin with!?" He bumped into Sebastian again. "You definitely shouldn't quit. You're the best pianist I know."

"It sucks but there's not much I can do about it." He explained, hands coming up to fix his hair as the breeze displaced it. The teenager combed fragments of amber leaves from his black hair, pulling a face he was sure _wasn't _attractive. He didn't mention that they hadn't played together in a year and a half. He also didn't mention that he hadn't been having piano practices for six months already, because Ciel _didn't _care. Not really. Sebastian told himself that no matter how much he wished that Ciel could be who he used to be, it wouldn't happen.

_People change, get over it._

He couldn't. He had never met anyone that he cared for as much as Ciel. No one who _got him _as much as Ciel. He didn't want to admit that Ciel could be ignorant and apathetic and arrogant. He didn't want to admit that Ciel might not have been a good person... he was a good person, right? He _did_ care, right?

Right?

"Ah! A wish! Sebastian, catch it!" Ciel suddenly yelped, grasping at the air aimlessly as the seed got caught on the wind. After stumbling a little, Sebastian plucked the dandelion seed from the damp air and held it in the palm of his hand.

The pair stopped their walking for a moment and Ciel looked at his friend expectantly. "Well? Come on, make a wish. You got it fair and square."

Sebastian found himself bristling as the Ciel he knew burst out, "right..." he mumbled as he kept on looking at Ciel's face. "How do I do it again?"

"Jesus Christ, Sebastian." Ciel laughed loudly, grabbing onto Sebastian's clasped hand and unfolding it. The taller of the two stuttered to a halt, feeling as little fingers opened up his bigger ones. "Have you really changed so much that you don't even remember how we used to make wishes?"

The boy pushed Ciel's hands-off and shoved his balled-up fists into his coat pocket. "I know how to do it, I just don't have anything to wish for at the moment," he brooded.

Ciel's expression was sceptical and judgemental and slightly condescending. He shrugged it off and began to walk again, reattaching his phone to his hand.

Sebastian continued to tell himself that Ciel did care, that he did want to be friends, that he did think that Sebastian was entertaining and engaging and whimsical.

That he didn't want to leave him behind.

The thought was suffocating, and dense, and Sebastian found himself close to tears as they arrived at Claude's house. Not that Sebastian had ever been there before. "I'll just be a minute," Ciel said as he left Sebastian at the gate.

Sebastian got his phone out of his pocket and looked for something to do. Nothing. No notifications, no group chats or pictures shared. He had invested all his time into this friend and now he was suddenly all alone.

People liked him, yes. But not enough to go out of their way to get to know him. Tall, lanky, friendly Sebastian. That's who he was. That was all he felt he'd ever be.

Ciel was much longer than a minute. He got caught at the door for five of them. Sebastian could hear his coy laughs and witty jokes and by the time Sebastian's miniature friend had made it back he was almost washed away with laughter. "What's so funny?" Sebastian asked kindly, using a weak smile as his last defence.

"Oh nothing, me and Claude were just talking." _I hadn't noticed. _Sebastian wanted to say _unkindly_. "Come on, let's go," Ciel said and turned to leave, phone finding its way back into his hand as if they were magnetically attached. "I wish your house wasn't so far away." He sighed dramatically, not bothering to turn back to speak to Sebastian.

Sebastian stared at his friend's back for a moment, he wondered what he should say and if Ciel's words were a compliment or an insult. Ciel was his favourite and most hated person. He was his best and worst friend. He was the closest and most out-of-reach. Sebastian began to trail behind his oxymoronic peer, keeping his head down and tears at bay.

He watched as Ciel began to speak to someone else about some_thing _else and allowed the dandelion seed to fall from his grasp as he thought;

I wish I had never met you.


End file.
